I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
