he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
