really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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