On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
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my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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