I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
