you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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