they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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