you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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