she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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