I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
