Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
