Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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