i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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