96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
