His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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