I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
