we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
