Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
