im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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