im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
