I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
