Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
