Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
