I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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