The maid of honor just puked.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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