I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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