Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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