You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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