on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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