woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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