dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
