Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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