I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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