I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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