That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
