if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He shit in the fireplace
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
