Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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