last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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