i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
