Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
