alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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