A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
