listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
