Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
