What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i love accidental penises.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
you never un-have a 4some
We are all done wearing pants today
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