So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
