I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
