Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
