david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
