she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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