girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
