I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
