im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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