Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
