Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
