i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
