I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
did i just pee glitter
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