she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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