New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize