my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
