We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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