I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
