Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
