He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
