meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
