It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
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I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
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Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize